C.E. and the Half Marathon

It's not every 13-year-old who challenges her father to train for and run a half-marathon with her.  But CE did.

Here she is with her father.

Here she is with her half-brother, M.



I have never seen a cuter smile than the one she has right here.



My almost all grown up little girl.

She is very funny and she can make her brothers laugh!

I wish, I wish, I wish I could have seen her when she ran that race!  I am so proud of her.  I am also super sad that I miss out on so much of her life, and of A.J.'s life.

The consequences of divorce.

Half her weekends, half her summer adventures, half the holidays, I miss out on.  All because her parents are not married to each other.

I think she knows that the divorce was necessary.  I have never heard her say she regretted her parents divorcing.  But still, the consequences are so long-lasting, and sad.

I still cry many times (almost every time) when their every-other-weekend comes.  They drive off with their father, their stepmother, and their cute little half-brother.  I miss them.

I have a hard time even going into their rooms to drop off clean laundry when they are not home.  I never get used to it!

I am so happy that they are well-adjusted and that they receive double the grandparents, double the Christmases, double the cousins and siblings, two girls' camp invitations per summer, two ward-church experiences.  But how I ache for all those times I don't get to have them by my side.

That is why people should marry the right person the first time.  Don't marry a mismatch!  Don't marry without dating first.  That is what I did!!!

I met my ex-husband in the missionary training center.  We went on our separate missions and wrote to each other for two years.  Then we got married, 2 weeks after he stepped off the plane.  We did not date.  The first time we sat in a restaurant together, we were already married.  Talk about dumb.

We didn't know at all what a mismatch we were.  But we soon found out.

I was a communicator and a snuggler; he wasn't.  He was a movie lover/addict, while I rarely see and rarely enjoy a movie.  I love books; he barely tolerated books.  He swore; I hate swearing.  I baked; he hated sweets.  He worked out; I didn't.  I wanted a lot of kids; he didn't.  I wanted to dress modestly; he wanted me to wear mini-skirts.  I wanted to stay home with the baby; he wanted me to work so he could finish law school.  I wanted to be close to our families; he didn't.  Recipe for disaster.

These things we would have known if we had simply dated, or if we had interviewed each other in depth.  We were young and foolish---so foolish.  Now and forever, we live with the consequences of that foolishness, and so do our children.  

But anyway, as far as ex-spouses go, we have a decent relationship.  We don't talk unless it's about the kids, dropping off the kids (D.H. calls it the prisoner exchange) or about trading vacation days or child support.  That's how I like it.  The less contact, the better. 

I don't say bad things about him (try hard not to, anyway) and he doesn't say (too many) bad things about me, to the kids.  We want peace and the best for the kids. 

I just wish it was better for them.  I am so sorry that my decisions and their father's decisions have made their lives more difficult.  I hope Heavenly Father picks up the slack and makes it up to them.  I pray for that all the time.


I have never seen a cuter smile than the one she has right here.



Notes From the Divorced Mormons' Club

I have a friend who is in the club.  I wearily invented the name the "Divorced Mormons' Club" when I got divorced, six years ago, after a sad, eleven-year-marriage.  I realized then that dating after divorce --especially when you are covenanted to obey the law of chastity, and you are committed to not marry anyone who will not make your children's lives truly wonderful, and the pool of available fish seems so small  --dating at that stage is incredibly difficult.

I am a happy graduate of that club, three-and-a-half years of wedded bliss later.

But I feel for the people who are there.  My good friend, MD, is in that club, and she is struggling with whether or not she should permanently break up with, or marry, a certain guy.  We talk on Facebook from time to time.  Today I sent her these two links to articles that  contain answers to MD's dilemmas; whether or not she really wants to know the answers is another question entirely.

But I think these are smartly written: 1- Dating Deal Breakers:  http://www.mormontimes.com/article/19666/Dating-deal-breakers

and 2- Recognizing Emotional Abuse: http://www.mormontimes.com/article/19757/Recognizing-emotional-abuse-in-dating-relationships 

   On another, related topic:  My friend, R., and I did a research project about LDS Filmmakers a few years ago, for a class in our communications grad program at BYU.  I had also been making a documentary at the time, and had been video-interviewing my friends and people I'd dated who were "in the DMC" and I told one of these filmmakers about it.

I literally laughed out loud, just a few months ago, when I discoverd he'd made this movie (Real Life Singles Ward).  The very same filmmaker who I had discussed my documentary about divorce with, made his own documentary about lds singles!  Yikes. I really and truly think he got his idea from me.  But rather than being mad that he might have taken my idea, I was happy that he made the movie.  I think he did a good job, too.  Mine (which is still unfinished) is different in that it focuses on divorced lds singles; his was broad, focusing on all lds singles.  Sort of funny, anyway.  I'll probably never finish mine.  I got so many fish to fry in this life!