Tired

Is it possible to be so tired that you can't sleep?  Between school starting, hours changing, and the baby still wanting to nurse around three or four every morning, I feel like I am going nuts.  I force myself to not nap when he takes his mid-morning nap, because otherwise the chores and messes and to-do lists would even more completely overwhelm me and this household than they already do.  Then I regret it, when I get soooo tired.  But I keep getting second and third winds, because I have to, because life and driving kids and making dinner and changing diapers and being coherent with family and neighbors require me to pull up those second and third winds.  But I am so tired.  Sometimes I want to cry because I am so tired.  But now, at 1:00 a.m., after bringing C.E. home from her first high school dance, frosting Baby H.'s three layer blue and white birthday cake--- he turns one tomorrow--- and taking a nighttime pre-bed bike ride with A.J., because he loves evening walks or bike rides as much as I do, and after cleaning up the kitchen and pushing a few more loads of laundry through, and packing the stuff we need for the lunch party and post-game dinner party at my sister's tomorrow, and preparing the marinade for Sunday's dinner, and lugging groceries and finding places for them....  and then being hit with a feeling of sadness that instead of a fun Friday night date, I only worked and D.H. played his favorite video game, and suddenly feeling very lonely and so deathly tired, and every one is sleeping in this house except me, and the baby will be waking up in two or three hours for his morning nursing, so my anxiety about not sleeping gets higher and my fear of not being able to cope gets higher and that makes me not sleep even more.  It's embarrassing to be unable to cope with life in this manner.   Are other people feeling this way?  I think if I were more organized, more disciplined, more something, surely I could get enough sleep.  Because of nursing and because of pregnancy, I can honestly say I have not slept for eight hours, or anything even nearing that many hours in a row, for about two years.  This cannot be good for life expectancy. 

Everybody Needs a Fan Club

My mother has often said, "Everybody needs a fan club."  (That's why little kids are always saying, "Watch, watch!" while they do things-- anything.)  Part of us never grows up.  We always want to be told we are doing a good job.  Nobody's immune to that.

I haven't put a link to an entertainment video here before.  This is from "Britain's Got Talent".  
http://youtu.be/z62zrqaqVbY

It isn't just that the guy can unusually difficult dance and body-popping moves; it's the baby-sweet way he accepted the judges' praise and bit back tears of joy, at the end.