Joy, I tell you. Joy! (Being a bit poor can mean being really really rich)

Here is the baby, 17 months old, in the tub. There can be nothing on earth so beautiful and lovable as a baby in a tub. I feel joy whenever he is in the tub: simple minds, simple pleasures. Joy, I tell you.  Joy!

Sometimes the sacrifices that follow the choice to be a stay-at-home mother are difficult. Sometimes I feel sad that I can't throw a big birthday bash for my son who's turning 9 this week. I can't buy a ton of decorations and party favors and have a big $300 party for him.  Nor can I fly him out to visit his grandparents in Florida, as I'd like to do. I can't take him and his friends to Chuck E. Cheese.  I can't buy him all the stuff he wants. He'll probably end up with a basketball, a new pair of shoes (his shoes literally are hole-y) a lego set and a birdfeeder that he can paint and hang outside his window.  And I'll take him out for a shake with two of his buddies after school on his birthday. That is a humble celebration, I suppose, but he'll know he is loved.  He is sooo loved!!! 

Sometimes the sacrifices require me to not buy stuff that we actually need.

1.  We have not repaired our broken plumbing in the master bedroom for three years.  The water is only hot there, and we burn our hands every time we wash them or brush our teeth there.  We are used to it.

2.  We have not bought nice, new clothes for years. We might get a shirt or a pair of shoes once in a blue moon, but the kind of date-worthy clothing I used to wear is a thing of the past. I have worn clothes with holes in them. I wear clothes that don't fit right. I wear my husband's sweatshirts. I borrow shirts from my 14 year old daughter.

My wonderful neighbors give me hand me downs for the baby, so we've had to buy very little, almost nothing, for him. What a blessing. What a great neighborhood.

3.  We have not repaired the missing tile in the front entryway for over a year. Nor repainted the bedroom wall as I want to, nor hung up pretty curtains as I dream of doing, nor replaced our messed up and unmatching bedding as I so desperately want to!  Nope.  We just smile and enjoy it in all its frumpy glory.  :)

4. We have not planted any flowers or added any home improvement, not even bookshelves, which we need-- for years, even though I'd love to.  I dream of apple trees, plum trees, bookshelves in every room, dresser drawers for the kids rather than plastic bins, etc.

5. We have not flown on a plane for many years and have no plans to anytime soon.  This is weird for me since I grew up the daughter of a Pan Am Captain and almost lived in planes and foreign places until I was grown up.

6. We eat a lot of brown rice, beans, potatoes, whole wheat toast, pancakes, quesadillas, and other cheap dinners, but you know what? They are pretty darn healthy meals.  We almost never go out to eat, and if we do, it's date night. If our whole family goes to a restaurant together, it is a serious celebration. We did this last week because a sushi place in Provo had $4 and $5 sushi with get-one-free attached. It was a family home evening activity not soon to be forgotten. Even the baby loved that eel, raw salmon, and seaweed. ( Okay, yes, but A.J. (the 8 year old) did go home and ask for a refill of food. He didn't love that sushi. )

7. We dream of visiting Sweden or other places. But it's only a dream.

8. We have no retirement fund or plan whatsoever.

9. We have no college savings for our kids.

10. We have no buffer if DH were to lose his job.

11. We still owe most of our home to the bank.  BUT.  We have zero credit card debt, and our cars are all paid in full, and we pay our tithing and our fast offerings in full every month, so we have peace of mind.

We are doing the very best we can. 

12. I remember that I got accepted to the U. of U. for a Ph.D two years ago. But I was pregnant, so I thanked them and turned the opportunity down. I would rather have a baby than one more degree or a fatter bank account, any day!

And when I feel a little frumpy, I grab the curling iron or the lipstick and put on my old icky clothes one more time and let my smile do the work that my fashion cannot.  Joy, I tell you.  I am home with my baby.  He is almost 18 months old and still breastfeeding! We have time to do things; like today, we took a bath together.  And we read a pile of stories:  Tomtebobarnen, Are You My Mother, Babar Blir Kung, and The Leprechaun's Gold.  We played with his little cars on the kitchen floor together.  We ate oatmeal and watched animal sounds on YouTube for breakfast.  We ticked and giggled and danced and snorted.

I'll have dinner and love on the table tonight when the other kids and the dear husband comes home. See?  Life is good.  Being a little bit poor can mean being really, really rich.  It's all in how you look at it.