Friday, April 29, 2011
Thursday, April 28, 2011
For Primary Teachers - May Book of Mormon Reading Schedule
Book of Mormon Trail Guide - May 2011
ONE sticker option* =136 verses for May
Week ONE: May 1-7: (23 verses) Mosiah 17: 1-4 One of King Noah's priests believes Abinadi & tries to save him/ Mosiah 17: 5,10,20 Abinadi killed/ Mosiah 18: 1,3-6, 16 Alma begins to baptize believers / Mosiah 18: 17, 21, 23, 30, 32, 34 What happened to the believers at the waters of Mormon/ Mosiah 23:1-4 Alma and believers escape the armies of King Noah
Mosiah 28:3-7 The sons of Mosiah get permission to do missionary journeys to the wicked Lamanites/ Alma 1: 2,3,7,9,13-15 Nehor tries to lead people away from the truth, kills Gideon, and dies.
Week FIVE: May 29-June 4: (26 verses)Alma 17: 27-39 and 18:8-11, 20-28 Ammon saves the sheep from robbers and wins the trust of King Lamoni.
* The one-sticker option can also be fulfilled by finding the picture in the gospel art kit and asking someone to tell you the story that goes with the art, or by reading the story in the Illustrated Book of Mormon Reader. Or, just listen to the audio Book of Mormon version at http://lds.org
(TWO sticker) option
Week FIVE: May 29-June 4 (28 verses)Alma 18:1-28
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Notes From the Divorced Mormons' Club
I have a friend who is in the club. I wearily invented the name the "Divorced Mormons' Club" when I got divorced, six years ago, after a sad, eleven-year-marriage. I realized then that dating after divorce --especially when you are covenanted to obey the law of chastity, and you are committed to not marry anyone who will not make your children's lives truly wonderful, and the pool of available fish seems so small --dating at that stage is incredibly difficult.
I am a happy graduate of that club, three-and-a-half years of wedded bliss later.
But I feel for the people who are there. My good friend, MD, is in that club, and she is struggling with whether or not she should permanently break up with, or marry, a certain guy. We talk on Facebook from time to time. Today I sent her these two links to articles that contain answers to MD's dilemmas; whether or not she really wants to know the answers is another question entirely.
But I think these are smartly written: 1- Dating Deal Breakers: http://www.mormontimes.com/article/19666/Dating-deal-breakers
and 2- Recognizing Emotional Abuse: http://www.mormontimes.com/article/19757/Recognizing-emotional-abuse-in-dating-relationships
On another, related topic: My friend, R., and I did a research project about LDS Filmmakers a few years ago, for a class in our communications grad program at BYU. I had also been making a documentary at the time, and had been video-interviewing my friends and people I'd dated who were "in the DMC" and I told one of these filmmakers about it.
I literally laughed out loud, just a few months ago, when I discoverd he'd made this movie (Real Life Singles Ward). The very same filmmaker who I had discussed my documentary about divorce with, made his own documentary about lds singles! Yikes. I really and truly think he got his idea from me. But rather than being mad that he might have taken my idea, I was happy that he made the movie. I think he did a good job, too. Mine (which is still unfinished) is different in that it focuses on divorced lds singles; his was broad, focusing on all lds singles. Sort of funny, anyway. I'll probably never finish mine. I got so many fish to fry in this life!
I am a happy graduate of that club, three-and-a-half years of wedded bliss later.
But I feel for the people who are there. My good friend, MD, is in that club, and she is struggling with whether or not she should permanently break up with, or marry, a certain guy. We talk on Facebook from time to time. Today I sent her these two links to articles that contain answers to MD's dilemmas; whether or not she really wants to know the answers is another question entirely.
But I think these are smartly written: 1- Dating Deal Breakers: http://www.mormontimes.com/article/19666/Dating-deal-breakers
and 2- Recognizing Emotional Abuse: http://www.mormontimes.com/article/19757/Recognizing-emotional-abuse-in-dating-relationships
On another, related topic: My friend, R., and I did a research project about LDS Filmmakers a few years ago, for a class in our communications grad program at BYU. I had also been making a documentary at the time, and had been video-interviewing my friends and people I'd dated who were "in the DMC" and I told one of these filmmakers about it.I literally laughed out loud, just a few months ago, when I discoverd he'd made this movie (Real Life Singles Ward). The very same filmmaker who I had discussed my documentary about divorce with, made his own documentary about lds singles! Yikes. I really and truly think he got his idea from me. But rather than being mad that he might have taken my idea, I was happy that he made the movie. I think he did a good job, too. Mine (which is still unfinished) is different in that it focuses on divorced lds singles; his was broad, focusing on all lds singles. Sort of funny, anyway. I'll probably never finish mine. I got so many fish to fry in this life!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Baby H.'s First Easter / Dad Storytelling Day / Etc.
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| Here's A.J. listening to his stepdad be the Storyteller Dad in school on Friday |
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| Since C.E.'s and A.J.'s father was going to have them for Easter weekend, I made an Easter egg hunt for them right after school on Friday. |
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| I love watching babies sleep. |
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| Today, the baby opened this drawer and started playing in it. |
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| I love this crybaby face. |
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| The baby likes A.J. better than anyone else in our family. No fair. But true! He laughs harder --and more often-- for him than for any of us. |
Everybody Needs a Fan Club
My mother has often said, "Everybody needs a fan club." (That's why little kids are always saying, "Watch, watch!" while they do things-- anything.) Part of us never grows up. We always want to be told we are doing a good job. Nobody's immune to that.
I haven't put a link to an entertainment video here before. This is from "Britain's Got Talent".
http://youtu.be/z62zrqaqVbY
It isn't just that the guy can unusually difficult dance and body-popping moves; it's the baby-sweet way he accepted the judges' praise and bit back tears of joy, at the end.
I haven't put a link to an entertainment video here before. This is from "Britain's Got Talent".
http://youtu.be/z62zrqaqVbY
It isn't just that the guy can unusually difficult dance and body-popping moves; it's the baby-sweet way he accepted the judges' praise and bit back tears of joy, at the end.
Beauty is a Journey, Not a Destination
Today I'm thinking about beauty, both superficial and deep, and health, and self-improvement, and what's real. Look at all this Easter candy lying around the house! D.H. and I have been talking about how we both want to lose ten or fifteen pounds, but neither of us wants to give up our favorite foods. Like candy. And we keep eating the candy.
On the bright side, I have been making small changes in our family meals for the better. I made vegetarian chili last night, with tomato-olive salad, and cornbread (flaxseed tossed into the batter). For dessert, we had whole-wheat brownies (with flaxseed tossed into the batter.) Then, D.H. said he got a bad stomach ache, (which he had also gotten a few days ago) and is sure it's linked to all this flax.
We looked it up online, and yes, flaxseed can create gas and intestinal distress if the eater is not used to a high fiber diet. You're supposed to take in extra water, and gradual, small flaxseed doses, as you learn to eat flax.
But, here's the thing. We are healthier with flax and whole wheat in our brownies; our fiber and protein and lignans and Omega-3's are up. Yet, we are still getting the same high calories and we are no leaner!
(Speaking of not exercising, it's utterly, truly, poundingly snowing today. End of April! Snowing!! AJ is planning to go sledding after school.)
Back on topic. Some of the wisest people on the planet tell you to focus on "deep beauty" — the kind of beauty that "cannot be painted on, surgically created or purchased. It is the kind of beauty that doesn't wash off." (Sister Dalton's talk http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/remember-who-you-are?lang=eng&media=video) She calls it "spiritual attractiveness" and says, "Deep beauty springs from virtue. It is the beauty of being chaste and morally clean. It is the kind of beauty that you see in the eyes of virtuous women like your mother or grandmother. It is the beauty that is earned through faith, repentance and honoring covenants."
The world, she said, places so much emphasis on physical attractiveness. (Do we, also? We can't just blame the world. We do this to ourselves; at least, I do, too often. I want to do this worrying and wasting energy much less.)
Sister Dalton said, "The Lord would tell you that you are each uniquely beautiful... When you are worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, you are confident and your inner beauty shines brightly."
She said, "Look into the mirror of eternity," and "See yourself as our Heavenly Father sees you... You were born to be a queen. Live so you are worthy to enter the temple and there receive 'all that the Father hath' (Doctrine and Covenants 84:38). Develop deep beauty. There is no more beautiful sight than... [someone] who glows with the light of the Spirit, who is confident and courageous because she is virtuous.
Another healing, soothing talk (about beauty and self esteem) is from Elder Holland. http://lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/to-young-women?lang=eng He says the same basic thing Sister Dalton says, but adds:
"We should all be as fit as we can be—that’s good Word of Wisdom doctrine. That means eating right and exercising and helping our bodies function at their optimum strength. We could probably all do better in that regard.
"But I speak here of optimum health; there is no universal optimum size. Frankly, the world has been brutal with you in this regard.
"You are bombarded in movies, television, fashion magazines, and advertisements with the message that looks are everything! The pitch is, 'If your looks are good enough, your life will be glamorous and you will be happy and popular.' That kind of pressure is immense in the teenage years, to say nothing of later womanhood. In too many cases too much is being done to the human body to meet just such a fictional (to say nothing of superficial) standard."
I don't want to be a Hollywood idiot who spends my life at the gym and the hair and nail salons and the malls, trading precious cuddling time and homework time and play time with my kids for vanity. Never! But I also don't want to be a frumpy looking housewife, who spends all my time cooking and grocery shopping and changing diapers and never puts on a pair of cute shoes or a dreamy dress.
I read recently that people fear things they really don't need to fear, and don't fear things they should. Like, we fear Tsunamis and terrorist plots but we don't fear eating so much cholesterol that our hearts stop working, or wasting our lives in worry, jealousy, and busy-ness that eclipses what matters most.
Now I don't have time to finish my thoughts. The baby wants to play.
On the bright side, I have been making small changes in our family meals for the better. I made vegetarian chili last night, with tomato-olive salad, and cornbread (flaxseed tossed into the batter). For dessert, we had whole-wheat brownies (with flaxseed tossed into the batter.) Then, D.H. said he got a bad stomach ache, (which he had also gotten a few days ago) and is sure it's linked to all this flax.
We looked it up online, and yes, flaxseed can create gas and intestinal distress if the eater is not used to a high fiber diet. You're supposed to take in extra water, and gradual, small flaxseed doses, as you learn to eat flax.
But, here's the thing. We are healthier with flax and whole wheat in our brownies; our fiber and protein and lignans and Omega-3's are up. Yet, we are still getting the same high calories and we are no leaner!
(Speaking of not exercising, it's utterly, truly, poundingly snowing today. End of April! Snowing!! AJ is planning to go sledding after school.)
Back on topic. Some of the wisest people on the planet tell you to focus on "deep beauty" — the kind of beauty that "cannot be painted on, surgically created or purchased. It is the kind of beauty that doesn't wash off." (Sister Dalton's talk http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/remember-who-you-are?lang=eng&media=video) She calls it "spiritual attractiveness" and says, "Deep beauty springs from virtue. It is the beauty of being chaste and morally clean. It is the kind of beauty that you see in the eyes of virtuous women like your mother or grandmother. It is the beauty that is earned through faith, repentance and honoring covenants."
The world, she said, places so much emphasis on physical attractiveness. (Do we, also? We can't just blame the world. We do this to ourselves; at least, I do, too often. I want to do this worrying and wasting energy much less.)
Sister Dalton said, "The Lord would tell you that you are each uniquely beautiful... When you are worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, you are confident and your inner beauty shines brightly."
She said, "Look into the mirror of eternity," and "See yourself as our Heavenly Father sees you... You were born to be a queen. Live so you are worthy to enter the temple and there receive 'all that the Father hath' (Doctrine and Covenants 84:38). Develop deep beauty. There is no more beautiful sight than... [someone] who glows with the light of the Spirit, who is confident and courageous because she is virtuous.
Another healing, soothing talk (about beauty and self esteem) is from Elder Holland. http://lds.org/general-conference/2005/10/to-young-women?lang=eng He says the same basic thing Sister Dalton says, but adds:
"We should all be as fit as we can be—that’s good Word of Wisdom doctrine. That means eating right and exercising and helping our bodies function at their optimum strength. We could probably all do better in that regard.
"But I speak here of optimum health; there is no universal optimum size. Frankly, the world has been brutal with you in this regard.
"You are bombarded in movies, television, fashion magazines, and advertisements with the message that looks are everything! The pitch is, 'If your looks are good enough, your life will be glamorous and you will be happy and popular.' That kind of pressure is immense in the teenage years, to say nothing of later womanhood. In too many cases too much is being done to the human body to meet just such a fictional (to say nothing of superficial) standard."
I don't want to be a Hollywood idiot who spends my life at the gym and the hair and nail salons and the malls, trading precious cuddling time and homework time and play time with my kids for vanity. Never! But I also don't want to be a frumpy looking housewife, who spends all my time cooking and grocery shopping and changing diapers and never puts on a pair of cute shoes or a dreamy dress.
I read recently that people fear things they really don't need to fear, and don't fear things they should. Like, we fear Tsunamis and terrorist plots but we don't fear eating so much cholesterol that our hearts stop working, or wasting our lives in worry, jealousy, and busy-ness that eclipses what matters most.
Now I don't have time to finish my thoughts. The baby wants to play.
Saturday, April 23, 2011
Pask Buffe - Swedish Easter Buffet
I'm dreaming of a real Swedish Pask-Buffe. But we are not actually doing that this year.
Because my extended family is a bunch of intermarried Swedes, Americans, and a Czech, our extended family holidays are a mix of languages, foods, and fun as well. We love Czech soups and cookies; we love American Barbeques and Muffalettas; we love Swedish treats of all kinds, of course! Anyway, here's a link I found to a good Swedish Easter smorgasbord, if you are interested:
http://www.cheap-healthy-cooking4u.com/Easterbuffe-smorgasbord.html
If I had unlimited funds and time, I would include these in my dream smorgasbord:
| Swedish Bread (Cardamom Bulla) |
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| Pickled herring |
| Princess Tarta - Marzipan Cream Cake |
| Bulla |
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| Gravlax - cured salmon (super easy to make!) |
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| Roasted Lamb Steak |
Friday, April 22, 2011
Flashmobs of Kindness April 21
When I heard about the day of national "Flash Mobs of Kindness," (--it was yesterday, April 21st - Glenn Beck's idea--) I wanted to participate, so I found out the closest Meetup was in Park City for the Peace House (domestic violence victims' sanctuary). My kids and I made Easter baskets and gathered other supplies and drove over and dropped them off. It was a good experience for me and my kids, but I wish we could have met the people who received the items.
As I was reading other people's stories online, from around the country, others who had also participated in the Day of Kindness, I found this one:
"...I stopped her and asked if she was unemployed. She said, 'Honey, I've been unemployed for a year and I'm on disability.' She was in a hurry, but then I asked, 'Do you have children?' She sighed and said, 'Yes, I do.' I then pulled out the gift card from my pocket and said, 'This is a $30 Wal-Mart gift card that we would like to bless you with, and we have some bags of groceries if you want them.'The woman looked at the [gift] card, put her hand over her mouth, and as she started to cry asked, 'Are you serious?' Mom and I both said yes, and we held her as she cried for a moment. As we loaded the groceries in her car she told us something that blew Mom and I away. She said, 'I'm suppose to take my youngest daughter down to Texas Children's tomorrow for tests, and I didn't have money to buy the gas for the trip.' Now Mom and I realized why we had been led to get the gift card.
Then the lady asked, 'Why are y'all doing this, what church are you from?' I answered, 'Ma'am, we're not with our church, we were just lead to do to this for you because we're your American brothers and sisters, and Americans take care of Americans.' She again wiped the tears from her eyes and said, 'that's right...that's right.' "
As I was reading other people's stories online, from around the country, others who had also participated in the Day of Kindness, I found this one:
"...I stopped her and asked if she was unemployed. She said, 'Honey, I've been unemployed for a year and I'm on disability.' She was in a hurry, but then I asked, 'Do you have children?' She sighed and said, 'Yes, I do.' I then pulled out the gift card from my pocket and said, 'This is a $30 Wal-Mart gift card that we would like to bless you with, and we have some bags of groceries if you want them.'The woman looked at the [gift] card, put her hand over her mouth, and as she started to cry asked, 'Are you serious?' Mom and I both said yes, and we held her as she cried for a moment. As we loaded the groceries in her car she told us something that blew Mom and I away. She said, 'I'm suppose to take my youngest daughter down to Texas Children's tomorrow for tests, and I didn't have money to buy the gas for the trip.' Now Mom and I realized why we had been led to get the gift card.
Then the lady asked, 'Why are y'all doing this, what church are you from?' I answered, 'Ma'am, we're not with our church, we were just lead to do to this for you because we're your American brothers and sisters, and Americans take care of Americans.' She again wiped the tears from her eyes and said, 'that's right...that's right.' "
Good Friday and Good Easter -
Today is Good Friday, the day millions celebrate Jesus giving his body and soul on the cross, taking the weight of punishment for every sin of every person, out of obedience to His Heavenly Father. I am feeling quiet and awed. It makes me want to be more willing to do whatever I should, and more loving.
Easter represents hope.
Without Easter, there is only despair. We either believe that Easter is true-- there literally was a resurrection of Jesus Christ, and there'll be a literal, physical resurrection for all humanity-- or we don't believe it. No gray area.
If you don't believe, what purpose is there? Anything meaningful is like a wildflower, glorious one day, and dust the next.
I believe in the miracle of Easter. I believe in the literal resurrection: bodies together with spirits, for everyone. Joyfully! The resurrection will be a free gift to everyone, whether or not we follow God at all.
- The New Testament says:
- But now is Christ risen from the dead, and become the firstfruits of them that slept.
- ... even so in Christ shall all be made alive. (1 Corinthians 15: 20-22).
- And the Book of Mormon says:
- Now, this restoration shall come to all, both old and young, both bond and free, both male and female, both the wicked and the righteous; and even there shall not so much as a hair of their heads be lost; but every thing shall be restored to its perfect frame, as it is now, or in the body, and shall be brought and be arraigned before the bar of Christ the Son, and God the Father, and the Holy Spirit, which is one Eternal God, to be judged according to their works, whether they be good or whether they be evil. (Alma 11: 44)
Last night, at bedtime, C.E. said it didn't make sense: baptisms of people who lived before Jesus was born couldn't count. She said that he hadn't paid for their sins yet, and he hadn't been resurrected yet.
I said that it was like A.J.'s little "I-owe-you" papers. You can't take a scrap with "I owe A.J. 50 cents" to the bank or the mall because it doesn't count; it's not Real. But you keep it in your piggy bank with faith that someday that scrap of a promise will become something Real. It turns into something Real when you trade it for real money from your mom.
This conversation reminded me of my own thoughts as a nine-year-old kid, attending the Calvary Christian School in New Hampshire. I loved that we learned about Jesus from the New Testament every morning, before any other subject, at that school. I could feel the holy spirit of what was being taught.
But there were limits to what those teachers could teach me. They didn't have the Book of Mormon. And I was not a Mormon. One day, my 4th grade teacher answered my question, "What will happen to my Morfar (Grandfather) who died without believing in Jesus?" by telling me that Morfar would have to be in hell with all who are not "saved". Horrible.
When the (Mormon) missionaries taught me that there was definitely missionarywork taking place in the world of the dead, just like here on earth, it made sense.
D & C 138: 57-58 says "...Faithful elders...when they depart from mortal life, continue their labors in the preaching of the gospel of repentance and redemption, through the sacrifice of the Only Begotten Son of God... in the great world of the spirits of the dead. The dead who repent will be redeemed..."
God provides a chance for everyone. Even a nine-year-old can understand these things.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Glad Pask! Happy Easter!
http://quietube.com/v.php/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dl5hkjs3LOs&feature=youtu.be
Good reminder of what we celebrate besides bunnies and eggs - link to video.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
President Monson's Marching Orders
I liked this person's post so much that I am copying and pasting the whole thing. (From http://www.gentlyhewstone.wordpress.com/ )
"After every General Conference, my family tries to study the prophet’s talks to see what he wants us to work on, and we make a list of those priorities. We usually summarize them in our own words, but this list is mostly copied and pasted directly from his text. You might find more or less than these, but we saw 30 things he directly instructs Latter-day Saints to do:
Priesthood Session
Sunday Morning–Temples
Sunday Afternoon-Conclusion
- Saturday Morning–Introduction
- May we continue to be faithful in performing such ordinances, not only for ourselves but also for our deceased loved ones who are unable to do so for themselves.
- Thank you, as well, for your faithfulness in paying your tithes and offerings and for your generosity in contributing to the other funds of the Church.
- May I suggest that if you are able, you might consider making a contribution to the General Missionary Fund of the Church.
Priesthood Session
- May we be worthy recipients of the divine power of the priesthood we bear.[start of talk] –> Safeguard it, treasure it, live worthy of it. [end of talk]
- May it [priesthood] bless our lives and may we use it to bless the lives of others.
- Many movies and television shows portray behavior which is in direct opposition to the laws of God. Do not subject yourself to the innuendo and outright filth which are so often found there.
- I am sorry that any of us is subjected to profane language, and I plead with you not to use it. I implore you not to say or to do anything of which you cannot be proud.
- Stay completely away from pornography. Do not allow yourself to view it, ever.
- Avoid alcohol and tobacco or any other drugs, also addictions which you would be hard pressed to conquer.
- If you have not read the Book of Mormon, read it.
- If you do not already have a testimony of these things, do that which is necessary to obtain one.
- Once obtained, a testimony needs to be kept vital and alive through obedience to the commandments of God and through regular prayer and scripture study. Attend church. You young men, attend seminary or institute if such is available to you.
- Should there be anything amiss in your life, [repent].
- [young men, get married]
- Choose a companion carefully and prayerfully; and when you are married, be fiercely loyal one to another.
- She is not to be demeaned or insulted but should be respected and loved.
- If any of you are having difficulty in your marriage, I urge you to do all that you can to make whatever repairs are necessary.
- Do not let your marriage get to the point where it is in jeopardy.
- discipline ourselves so that we stand above the ways of the world. It is essential that we be honorable and decent men. Our actions must be above reproach.
Sunday Morning–Temples
- If you have been to the temple for yourselves and if you live within relatively close proximity to a temple, your sacrifice could be setting aside the time in your busy lives to visit the temple regularly.
- If you have not yet been to the temple or if you have been but currently do not qualify for a recommend, there is no more important goal for you to work toward than being worthy to go to the temple….Secure a temple recommend and regard it as a precious possession, for such it is.
- Now, my young friends who are in your teenage years, always have the temple in your sights. Do nothing which will keep you from entering its doors and partaking of the sacred and eternal blessings there.
- may I share with you some sage advice from President Spencer W. Kimball. Said he: “It would be a fine thing if … parents would have in every bedroom in their house a picture of the temple so [their children] from the time [they are] infant[s] could look at the picture every day [until] it becomes a part of [their lives].
- I plead with you to teach your children of the temple’s importance.
- As you and I go to the holy houses of God, as we remember the covenants we make within, we will be more able to bear every trial and to overcome each temptation.
- may we make whatever sacrifices are necessary to attend the temple and to have the spirit of the temple in our hearts and in our homes.
- May we follow in the footsteps of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who made the ultimate sacrifice for us, that we might have eternal life and exaltation in our Heavenly Father’s kingdom.
Sunday Afternoon-Conclusion
- May we long remember the messages we have heard. As we receive the issues of the Ensign and Liahona magazines which will contain these messages in written form, may we read and study them.
- May we be good citizens of the nations in which we live and good neighbors in our communities, reaching out to those of other faiths as well as to those of our own.
- May we be examples of honesty and integrity wherever we go and in whatever we do."
We Believe In Being Chased*
He tried to interrupt me when I was seven words into it. I wouldn't let him. When I was finished, he asked, earnestly, "Why would anyone want to be chased*?"
I love eight year olds.
* 13th Article of Faith:
"We believe in being honest, true, *chaste, benevolent, virtuous,
and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow
the admonition of Paul - We believe all things, we hope all things,
we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all
things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or
praiseworthy, we seek after these things."
and in doing good to all men; indeed, we may say that we follow
the admonition of Paul - We believe all things, we hope all things,
we have endured many things, and hope to be able to endure all
things. If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or
praiseworthy, we seek after these things."
Earning a No
Earning a "no" --D.H. learned this simple idea from a friend at work. Rather than trying to figure out the right consequence to fit a misdeed, when kids have done something wrong, (especially if it's a repeated offense, like "I forgot to bring home my spelling words, four days in a row") --you have kids "earn a no".
This means, if they do it once, fine. Twice, a warning. Thrice, they have now earned a no, and the next time they ask to go to a friend's house or to play the video game, you tell them, sadly, that they can't, because they have earned a no. This works.
Other times, especially if there's an innocent airheaded-factor to the misdeed, I just enforce the most natural consequence. For example, if the child repeatedly fails to wipe up after himself/herself, then for the rest of the week, he/she has to be in charge of wiping all countertops and the kitchen table.
This means, if they do it once, fine. Twice, a warning. Thrice, they have now earned a no, and the next time they ask to go to a friend's house or to play the video game, you tell them, sadly, that they can't, because they have earned a no. This works.
Other times, especially if there's an innocent airheaded-factor to the misdeed, I just enforce the most natural consequence. For example, if the child repeatedly fails to wipe up after himself/herself, then for the rest of the week, he/she has to be in charge of wiping all countertops and the kitchen table.
A Movie Review
I know it's three years since "Dark Knight" came out, but it's always bothered me that my husband and I felt alone in our revulsion when we saw that movie. So many people admired the acting, they said. Ugh. I never took the time to write a review, but I found one online that says what I would have.
http://bycommonconsent.com/2008/07/19/you-cant-fight-darkness-with-darkness/
He writes: "Not only is The Dark Knight loaded with cliches that are all the more sad because they’re clearly meant to be taken as genuine insights, but they’re communicated in the context of a story that revels in its sadism. Make no mistake about it, The Dark Knight is a film about torture: twisted scenarios for wrenching suffering out of people are thrown at us like fastballs in a batting cage. What really shocked me was that the theater full of people around me weren’t weary of this barrage; rather, they were elated by its novelty...
... Modernism rears its ugly head again: the concept of flawed anti-hero is all fine and good, but why have all of our heroes been reduced to this? Why is it forbidden to tell stories about idealized heroes today? I see that Indiana Jones isn’t even in the top ten anymore, and Superman Returns was such a disappointment that the director actually apologized for its earnest tone and promised a “darker” sequel...
...I’m sure the makers of The Dark Knight and its millions of fans feel that this story represents a positive morality for our age, a morality that eschews black and white in favor of one big pall of satisfyingly unchallenging gray, replete with the anguished evil it can only coexist with but never defeat. Such an offering is a sad testament to our lost vision of righteousness."
http://bycommonconsent.com/2008/07/19/you-cant-fight-darkness-with-darkness/
He writes: "Not only is The Dark Knight loaded with cliches that are all the more sad because they’re clearly meant to be taken as genuine insights, but they’re communicated in the context of a story that revels in its sadism. Make no mistake about it, The Dark Knight is a film about torture: twisted scenarios for wrenching suffering out of people are thrown at us like fastballs in a batting cage. What really shocked me was that the theater full of people around me weren’t weary of this barrage; rather, they were elated by its novelty...
... Modernism rears its ugly head again: the concept of flawed anti-hero is all fine and good, but why have all of our heroes been reduced to this? Why is it forbidden to tell stories about idealized heroes today? I see that Indiana Jones isn’t even in the top ten anymore, and Superman Returns was such a disappointment that the director actually apologized for its earnest tone and promised a “darker” sequel...
...I’m sure the makers of The Dark Knight and its millions of fans feel that this story represents a positive morality for our age, a morality that eschews black and white in favor of one big pall of satisfyingly unchallenging gray, replete with the anguished evil it can only coexist with but never defeat. Such an offering is a sad testament to our lost vision of righteousness."
Resolving Conflicts in Blended Families
I have a book called "Love Busters: Protecting Your Marriage From Habits That Destroy Romantic Love" by Willard F. Harley, Jr.It is good.
Today I looked up "blended families" in the index. We will have a family of seven this summer. We'll be adding two full-timers for the summer: D.H.'s 18-year-old son, A.R., who's moving here to live from June to August, to work at a carpet cleaning place as he did last summer, and D.H.'s 12-year-old daughter, S.E. And we already have my 13-year-old daughter, C.E., who's always here, and my 8-year-old A.J., who's always here, plus the baby.
http://books.google.com/books?id=YmHt586CQwMC&pg=PA224&lpg=PA224&dq=marital+dissatisfaction+increases+with+the+number+of+children+born+to+a+couple.+The+year+that+divorce+is+most+likely+to&source=bl&ots=SNmdrVYzgn&sig=c-p1V3L-aP6Fg8e385N4QiatliE&hl=en&ei=CvKuTdqQAujgiAKc_9zRDA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CBYQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=marital%20dissatisfaction%20increases%20with%20the%20number%20of%20children%20born%20to%20a%20couple.%20The%20year%20that%20divorce%20is%20most%20likely%20to&f=false
This is the same book online that we have at home. If you scroll down to page 224 and just read two pages, you find a lot. Like:
1. What the children need most (even more than discipline or gifts) is parents who love each other.
2. No parent should unilaterally give discipline --or gifts-- without the enthusiastic approval of the other spouse. (PJA = the policy of joint agreement on all important matters)
3. Studies say that marital dissatisfaction increases with the birth of each child. (Sad!!! I hope this one is not true.)
4. The reasons given for #3 are: 1) With more children, there is less energy to meet the most important emotional needs in marriage,
and 2) Especially in blended families, the way people resolve the conflicts around children destroys romantic love.
5. Only 20% of marriages with blended children, stay married.
6. A couple must spend 15 non-distracted hours per week with each other --or the love-bank account will plummet! (And I don't think it counts if we are in the same building, focusing on different things.)
President Monson said that we must not let our marital disagreements get to the point where our love for each other is in jeopardy.
When we have disharmony in our homes, we cannot feel the love. We have to guard carefully and mop up the emotional spills, as we would a spill on the kitchen table.
Monday, April 18, 2011
Rainy Afternoon
It's raining. It's just another glorious (--but can I or anyone easily detect that?--) normal, inconsequential day. My hair is a mess. I need to go make meatballs and move the laundry.
C.E. is running (6 miles) today, training for her half marathon. A.J. is playing with his friend, T., with the hotwheels tracks and a sleeping bag that they are sliding on, down the stairs. Baby's napping in his crib.
He got a diaper rash from sitting in the backpack carrier in a wet diaper all day Saturday, but it's going away already. He is not a complainer.
I am determined to lose ten to fifteen pounds and keep them off for life. This is tricky because I love to eat and can't prioritize exercising, even though I do like it. So I have not jogged or walked on the treadmill for many months! Oh, I have many great excuses: nursing causes jogging to be chestfully uncomfortable; I am usually tired; I don't have a babysitter and the baby only sometimes enjoys the jogging stroller. My babysitting daughter's on swim team and is never here; my husband loves me even if I am plump, etc.... yet I want to lose it, I do.
So. Anyway. To keep myself from going crazy with boredom while C.E. watched the baby and I was alone in the icky basement with the treadmill, I picked up this book from booktopia (what we call the plastic bins and overflowing shelves in the basement) today. D.H. bought the book years ago, before we were together. Some one recommended it to him, to help him get through his daughter's death and both of his divorces. (Sigh. Sometimes I cannot believe what that man has been through. I think it's why he's so humble and gentle and forgiving.)
I read while walking on the treadmill. I LOVE this book so far. It will motivate me to keep up the walking on the treadmill, just because it's that good. It's my kind of stuff. I will try to post some quotes and tell you why it's so wonderful, but right now I have to go make meatballs.
Seven and a half months old
Just more pictures.
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| so cute -even unhappy |
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| With DH's mom |
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| Antelope Island |
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