Resolving Conflicts in Blended Families

   I have a book called "Love Busters: Protecting Your Marriage From Habits That Destroy Romantic Love" by Willard F. Harley, Jr.


It is good.

Today I looked up "blended families" in the index.  We will have a family of seven this summer.  We'll be adding two full-timers for the summer:  D.H.'s 18-year-old son, A.R., who's moving here to live from June to August, to work at a carpet cleaning place as he did last summer, and D.H.'s 12-year-old daughter, S.E.  And we already have my 13-year-old daughter, C.E., who's always here, and my 8-year-old A.J., who's always here, plus the baby.

When I think of all the bathroom conflicts and dishwashing conflicts and chauffeuring conflicts and menu-planning conflicts and who-ate-my-favorite-cereal conflicts that could jar the summer, I get scared.  This morning, D.H. got scared because C.E. left her clothes on the bathroom floor again, her cereal bowl on the table, and a glob of honey on the table, and just ran off to school.  So I have to get after her when she comes home today, which I will.  In the meantime, I looked up some information. And it's online, too, if you want to read it:

http://books.google.com/books?id=YmHt586CQwMC&pg=PA224&lpg=PA224&dq=marital+dissatisfaction+increases+with+the+number+of+children+born+to+a+couple.+The+year+that+divorce+is+most+likely+to&source=bl&ots=SNmdrVYzgn&sig=c-p1V3L-aP6Fg8e385N4QiatliE&hl=en&ei=CvKuTdqQAujgiAKc_9zRDA&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=1&ved=0CBYQ6AEwAA#v=onepage&q=marital%20dissatisfaction%20increases%20with%20the%20number%20of%20children%20born%20to%20a%20couple.%20The%20year%20that%20divorce%20is%20most%20likely%20to&f=false

This is the same book online that we have at home.  If you scroll down to page 224 and just read two pages, you find a lot.  Like:

1. What the children need most (even more than discipline or gifts) is parents who love each other.


2. No parent should unilaterally give discipline --or gifts-- without the enthusiastic approval of the other spouse.  (PJA = the policy of joint agreement on all important matters)


3. Studies say that marital dissatisfaction increases with the birth of each child.  (Sad!!!  I hope this one is not true.)


4. The reasons given for #3 are:   1) With more children, there is less energy to meet the most important emotional needs in marriage,
and  2) Especially in blended families, the way people resolve the conflicts around children destroys romantic love.


5. Only 20% of marriages with blended children, stay married.


6. A couple must spend 15 non-distracted hours per week with each other --or the love-bank account will plummet!  (And I don't think it counts if we are in the same building, focusing on different things.)


President Monson said that we must not let our marital disagreements get to the point where our love for each other is in jeopardy. 


When we have disharmony in our homes, we cannot feel the love.  We have to guard carefully and mop up the emotional spills, as we would a spill on the kitchen table.